


What if...

by aishiterumo



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Changbin is a very confused boy, Coming Out, Developing Relationship, Doubt, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22226164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishiterumo/pseuds/aishiterumo
Summary: Changbin has always found it hard to truly be happy, until he met Seungmin. Since they started dating, he has never felt this happy in life. That is until he meets Jisung, making him doubt his feelings. Why is he so attracted to him, but still loves Seungmin?
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Seo Changbin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I edited this work to correct some typos :)))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the very first part of my seungbinsung, mainly centred on the relationship between changbin and seungbin, the seungbinsung part will appear on chapter two

It has always been difficult for Changbin, since the very beginning of his life. At a young age, he had troubles making friends, true friends that will stick by his side for a long time. He quickly learned that people used him for his parents’ money, for their position in the society, using him at their advantage to get whatever they wanted. He quickly realised that, whenever he was invited to a _friend_ ’s birthday and he was the only one asked to bring an expensive present. Whenever he hung out with his _friends_ and they asked him to pay for everyone. When he got older, he grew tired of it, and decided to stay with the only friends he had that seemed to not use him. They were a few, but he was happy like that.

If he had troubles making friends, getting a lover was way harder than he thought. He got close with a few girls early in his life and got in a relationship with some of them. Of course, there was that _cute couple_ happening when he was in kindergarten, holding hands with a girl that said one day that she loved him, and _breaking up_ with her when she stole one of his toys and denied it with her whole heart. And then in primary school, _dating_ a girl after she had confessed, breaking up with her when he learned that she was also only using him for his money. And pretty much the same thing happening in middle school. By the end of middle school, Changbin learned what the real problem was. It wasn’t that girls didn’t like him, or that they were all using him. It was him, the problem. Him, not liking any of those girls. Him, not liking girls at all. Him, only looking at boys the way he was _supposed to look at girls_. And that’s when it hit him, at the first day of high school, that he was indeed gay.

He tried to embrace this part of himself, his parents being quite acceptant about him not being straight. But it was very different when he tried to tell his _friends_. Once again, he lost a handful of them. Saying he was _weird_ , that it was _unnatural_ , that it wasn’t _normal_ , and they shouldn’t be around him, in case he developed _feelings for one of them_. They wanted to avoid the awkwardness of having to reject their _friend_. Changbin secluded himself a little bit more, creating this safe space where he could be himself, not leaving this small fortress made of blankets he installed in his bedroom. Even if he was 15, he still enjoyed going into his blanket fortress and it made him feel at peace. It made him feel like it was ok not to like the opposite sex, that he wasn’t as disgusting as people told him at school.

By the end of high school, with the help of his—true—friends and his parents, and perhaps the few months of therapy, Changbin didn’t care about the others’ remarks anymore. They could say whatever they wanted; he was happy the way he was. And nothing could change him. What if he liked boys? This didn’t have anything to do with anyone else, and they shouldn’t care this much about his sexuality, when it was his life and no one else’s.

His last year of high school was also the year he met _him_ , Kim Seungmin. A year younger than him, he joined their friend group a bit too late for Changbin to really get to know him. But he couldn’t help to feel this warmth emanating from his chest whenever the other boy was there, whenever he was talking, smiling, or simply looking at Changbin. Changbin knew what it meant; he knew the more he saw the boy the more he was likely to get a crush on him. But Changbin kept silence, not knowing if he could trust him enough to tell him his sexuality, if he wasn’t going to make fun of him like some did.

It was a few weeks after Christmas, Seungmin had asked if they could all hang out together. They met at a coffee shop, sitting at the only round table. One of their friends had bring a _uno_ game. It was going well until Changbin played a wild card. Seungmin, who was the next player, looked at him expectantly, making the best puppy eyes he could so that Changbin would say the right colour. Changbin looked at him, then at his hand full of blue cards. He smiled, looked back at Seungmin and said: “ _Blue_ ”. To which Seungmin answered with a low groan and a “ _That’s homophobic, Seo Changbin_ ” as he went to draw a card from the deck.

Everyone turned their heads towards the two of them, not knowing what to do. Changbin was taken aback. Did he say that, as a joke? He opened his mouth to say something, when one of their friends decided to lighten the atmosphere: “ _It’d just be ironic if the only two gays of our friend group were the two homophobes._ ” Seungmin and Changbin both turned their heads towards each other, pointing at the other while saying: “ _You’re gay too?_ ” in unison—and maybe too loudly for the other customer’s liking.

After that day, Changbin and Seungmin quickly grew closer. They felt more at ease around the other than with their other friends, somehow because they knew there will be a no judgment zone—not that the others didn’t provide that too. Or maybe it was just because they now knew they could fanboy over their favourite male idols with each other, without the other saying that they were _more into girls_. But it didn’t help Changbin not getting feelings for Seungmin.

Changbin waited around a month before asking Seungmin to meet up, just the two of them. It was going to be exam season for Changbin, and he wouldn’t have the time to hang out with his friends for a long time… and he had decided to be honest with Seungmin. The younger boy agreed pretty quickly, not knowing what was going to happen.

They went to the park near Seungmin’s house, Changbin thinking that if he wanted to run away after he confessed, maybe it would be better if his way home was short. So, they met and sat on a bench. Changbin had brought a few sandwiches and snacks, two bottles of water and bought two cups of milk tea, Seungmin’s favourite and his own.

At first, they talked as they always did, Seungmin soon changing the subject to wish Changbin good luck on his upcoming exams. Changbin thanked him, somehow, they went on and on, talking about school. But then, Changbin realised they really went off topic and it would be hard for him to find a way to subtly go back to his original plan. So, he let go of his idea to be subtle. He told Seungmin he had something important to say, something that couldn’t wait and that he wanted to tell him for a long time already. Seungmin seemed worried, telling him he could say anything, and he was ready to hear anything, even if it was that “ _you have six toes or something_.”

Changbin couldn’t help but laugh at that, loosening up a bit. Seungmin laughed too, the atmosphere getting lighter. “ _I don’t know, maybe you’re gonna freak out,_ ” Changbin suddenly said, very seriously. Seungmin put his hand on top of Changbin’s, squeezing it a bit to help him calm down. Changbin was shaking, looking around, trying to avoid Seungmin’s eyes. His palms were a bit sweaty and his face tinting with a light shade of pink. Seungmin was intrigued, but didn’t say a thing, letting Changbin take the time he needed. And so, after a few minutes of stuttering, Changbin finally confessed. He told Seungmin he had a crush on him the first time he saw him, but didn’t say anything because he didn’t know if he was straight or not, but was delighted when he learned that he was, indeed, not straight, and that, somehow, his feelings only grew and grew to the point where he needed to tell him. Seungmin didn’t looked as freaked out as Changbin had expected. He didn’t look disgusted either.

When Changbin finally looked at the other, he saw a shy smile on his face. “ _That’s really sweet Changbin. It’s a bit unexpected, though. I never expected you to like me… I never thought of that possibility._ ” Changbin apologised, not knowing what he was apologising for. “ _I don’t know if I do like you back, but why not going on a date, a real one, and finding out?_ ” Seungmin suddenly said. And that was Changbin’s turn to be shocked. His throat tightened, making him unable to speak. But he nodded, vigorously. They both smiled, chuckling while looking at each other, their hands still on top of each other.

They both went home after agreeing on texting each other to plan that date. They were both smiling widely for days, eyeing each other whenever they met, their friends finding it weird but never said anything about it.

However, it was exam season for Changbin, which meant that he was really busy with studying and taking exams. He wanted to do well, so that he’ll be able to go to a good university, hopefully the one he wanted. So, whenever Seungmin texted to ask if they could go on a date on that day, he had to decline and say he was sorry but was really busy. It happened once, twice, thrice, and Seungmin grew tired of it. He texted him again, asking what he was doing. Changbin answered honestly, as he always did, and told him he was at the public library, studying. So, Seungmin told him “ _Wait_ ” which confused Changbin. Until he saw Seungmin enter the library, fifteen minutes later.

“ _If we can’t plan a date because of your studies, let’s turn them into a date. I’ll help you, as much as I can, and we’ll spend time together. Just the two of us_ ,” Seungmin said. He sat next to Changbin, putting his school bag on the table and taking out his homework. Changbin looked at him with big eyes, his cheeks reddening slightly. Seungmin didn’t seem disturbed at all by the situation and started studying almost immediately.

Changbin then started to work too, he still had to study for his exam despite his crush sitting right next to him, calling this moment between them—and all the other person in the library—a date. However, a few minutes after, Seungmin interrupted him, asking for help on one of the questions he had to resolve. Changbin put his book down, moving closer to him, and he looked at the question. He then looked at Seungmin, arching a brow, “ _Do you really need help with that?_ ” Seungmin, at first, nodded. Changbin looked at the paper again and cleared his throat. Seeing that he was pretty serious about helping him with this, Seungmin let out a soft laugh, “ _I was joking Changbin, I don’t need help with this. I just wanted for us to talk a bit…_ ” When Changbin looked up, he saw that Seungmin had one hand on the back of his neck, his cheeks were bright red and his smile was so big that his eyes were half closed.

After that, they both tried to study but also to talk to each other, as quietly as possible—it was still a library. They spent at least two hours together, managing to study all they had to. Seungmin was the first one to leave, thanking Changbin for spending his time with him. He hugged him as a _goodbye_ and left, skipping happily while holding his backpack straps with both of his hands. _Cute_ , Changbin thought, as he watched him leave.

After that day, Seungmin didn’t try to contact Changbin. Of course, they still talked whenever they met at school, but Seungmin never texted him like he used to before their date. Changbin started to doubt. He started to think that maybe he did something wrong, that Seungmin already decided that he didn’t like him back and that he just didn’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him he couldn’t reciprocate his feelings. He overthinks and overthinks and overthinks to the point where he finds himself sitting behind his desk, at school, his exam paper in front of him and him almost writing _Kim Seungmin_ instead of _Seo Changbin_.

It was his last exam and his thoughts were full of _Kim Seungmin_. When he exited the room, pulled his phone out of his backpack and turned it back on, he got flooded with texts. But one in particular drew his attention. It was _him_. It was Seungmin, wishing him good luck on his exam, and asking if they could meet afterwards, for their _first official date_ , as the “ _first one wasn’t really a date_ ” and Changbin couldn’t help but smile. He texted him back, thanking him and accepting the invitation, gladly. Once Changbin reached his house, Seungmin called him. “ _I’m gonna pick you up in an hour, will you be ready?_ ” he asked. Changbin panicked a little, but agreed, nonetheless. He asked where they were going and Seungmin told him it was a surprise, that he should dress like he usually does—“ _you’re gonna look cute anyway_ ”—and not to worry about it.

When Seungmin came, Changbin felt his heart flutter. They took the bus and arrived at the arcade. Changbin’s eyes lit with stars, a wide smile appearing on his face. Seungmin was looking at him, and slowly his hand reached for Changbin’s, their fingers intertwining with each other. They walked inside and played games for hours. Both of their competitive sides got revealed and they had a lot of fun.

They both went home their separate ways, a smile on their face. Seungmin had explained to Changbin that he didn’t text him as he knew he was busy with his exams, he didn’t want to disturb him and waited for them to end so they could have their _first_ date. Changbin was grateful, that he waited for him all this time, and that he explained himself without him asking for it.

Changbin was mostly done with school, now that his exams were done. But Seungmin wasn’t. Still, they planned a few more dates. At first, they didn’t know what to do so Changbin suggested a simple stroll around their school. Seungmin agreed, thinking it’d be a great idea, that they’ll be able to get to know each other more that way.

They walked for more than half an hour, Seungmin taking some pictures here and there, Changbin looking at him with fond eyes, buying an ice cream here, a waffle there, sitting at a coffee shop’s terrace for a few minutes, talking about themselves, about their dream jobs, their family… They got to know each other.

Then, they walked past an art museum. Seungmin turned towards Changbin, glimmer in his eyes. Changbin couldn’t help himself but smile and take Seungmin’s hand, walking towards the entrance of the museum. And that’s how they ended their day, and their date. Visiting the museum, looking at every piece of art with admiration, giving their honest opinion, sometimes agreeing, sometimes disagreeing, Changbin loving one that Seungmin hated and the other way around. But they enjoyed their day and ended it with a tight hug.

Their third—but actually fourth—date happened a few months after, they were both pretty much done with their school work and decided to hang out together. Just the both of them. They didn’t know what to do, and as Seungmin was about to suggest going shopping downtown, it started to rain. So, Changbin suggested just hanging out at his place, and watching a movie. That’s what they ended up doing.

Seungmin entered Changbin’s apartment, his eyes going wider every step he took. It was a luxurious apartment, a chandelier in the entrance, ad big leather couch in the living room… everything seemed fancy. Changbin greeted his parents, who were in the kitchen, and introduced Seungmin to them. With the way their son was looking at his _friend_ , it didn’t take them long to realise Changbin was wishing a bit more than friendship out of him. So, they decided to go grocery shopping and leave the two boys alone for a few hours. Changbin was grateful but didn’t say anything—he did thank them the next day.

They sat on Changbin’s couch, putting a Marvel movie. Changbin prepared bowls of popcorns, chips and other snacks. He switched the lights off and sat next to Seungmin. The movie started; they were at a reasonable distance of each other. By the end of the movie, Seungmin had his head on Changbin’s shoulder, their hands were clung together and the shared a bowl of chips.

Changbin’s parents got home to two boys cuddling on their couch, fast asleep with the movie credits rolling down on their TV screen. They woke them up—not before snapping a picture in case Changbin asked for it—and asked their guest if he wanted to stay for dinner. A quick look at Changbin and Seungmin agreed.

They both ended up in the kitchen, deciding to cook dinner together. It was more of a fail, as they almost burnt the kitchen down while making steaks. They ended up making some Bolognese pasta and Seungmin got home soon after.

They didn’t get their fourth—or fifth—date until the beginning of the summer break. They didn’t know when they’ll have the time to see each other again; Seungmin will be in his last year of high school and Changbin will be entering university. They will both be very busy. And somehow, they felt like they needed to see each other before that happened.

This time, it was Seungmin who planned the date. And he made a very detailed plan that needed to be respected perfectly. Changbin laughed at him for that, and Seungmin faked being upset about that. A hug and an apology later, Seungmin told him he didn’t mind at all.

They went to the beach. Changbin looked at the water and the sand with admiration… and then Seungmin revealed two kites he was hiding behind his back and Changbin’s eyes got even wider than they were before. He looked like a kid in front of a Christmas tree.

They spent their afternoon flying their kites, the wind blowing perfectly for them to play for a long time. But then, Changbin decided to tease Seungmin. Instead of running in his own direction, he ran towards Seungmin, his kite threatening to tangle with Seungmin’s. The younger boy ran faster, yelling in despair for his kite to avoid the collision that was soon to happen. And then, Seungmin ran after Changbin. They kept on chasing each other, threatening both of their kites. And once one of them succeeded, they were both too absorbed into watching their kites get tangled to realise they were still running towards each other. Changbin collided into Seungmin, or maybe it was Seungmin who collided into Changbin. Either way, their kite’s reels fell on the sand, both looking at each other in the eyes, slight pink growing on both of their cheeks.

Changbin gently placed his hand on Seungmin’s cheek, brushing his fingers against his skin as if he was a piece of porcelain about to break. Seungmin leaned his head against the other’s hand, closing his eyes slightly. A smile grew on his face while his hand imitated the other boy’s. They were both standing there, in the middle of the beach, looking at each other tenderly, caressing each other’s cheeks, a few centimetres away from one another.

Changbin suddenly felt a wave of courage take him. He leaned in, closing his eyes halfway and let his lips met Seungmin’s. The kiss lasted for a few seconds only. It wasn’t the first time Changbin kissed someone, but it was _their_ first kiss. And even though he felt like the moment was the right one, once his lips met their counterpart, doubt invaded him. _What if I misinterpreted the situation? What if he didn’t want us to kiss? What if he doesn’t like kisses? What if it’s too soon? What if he doesn’t like the kiss? What if—_ and his train of thoughts got cut by Seungmin putting his lips back on Changbin’s. The older boy opened his eyes again, as wide as he could. He was only met with Seungmin’s peaceful face, his eyes were closed, he looked at peace. So, Changbin closed his eyes again, moved his hand from his cheek to his nape, and kissed him back.

After that day, it was just a matter of time until one of them asked the other out. But who? Who was going to confess first? It was pretty obvious, now that they both had kissed, that they had feelings for each other. But still, none of them confessed. It was not like their relationship wasn’t as of a couple already. Seungmin hung out at Changbin’s apartment a few times per weeks, spending nights there, cuddling with Changbin. Changbin went to Seungmin's house a few times too, meeting his parents and spending the night once or twice. Whenever they hung out, they’d be either cuddling or holding hands. All of their friends thought they started dating.

It wasn’t until a few days before Changbin left for his university that they started dating. They had decided to go on a last date, but as soon as Seungmin saw Changbin’s luggage in the entrance of his apartment, he broke down in tears and hugged him tight. Changbin, worried, asked him if anything was wrong, and Seungmin shyly—between his sobs—told him that he _loved_ him, and was going to miss him. Changbin hugged him tighter, kissed the top of his head and told him he _loved_ him too.

From that day, they became _boyfriends_. From that day, Changbin discovered happiness, true happiness. Every day, every minute, every second he spent with Seungmin were pure happiness. The younger boy’s puppy-like behaviour might have played a huge part in that, but Changbin wasn’t against it.

It was hard, at the beginning, with Seungmin studying hard to succeed his last year of high school, and Changbin out of town, studying hard for his first year in university. But they never missed a weekend together. They never missed a call, a text, a letter. _Letters…_ It was Seungmin idea. Changbin had let him know his exams were coming soon, and that he won’t be able to call him or text him back for a few days. So, Seungmin took a piece of paper, and wrote everything he wanted to tell him, sending the letter for Changbin to find it in his mailbox. That became a habit, for them to write letters from time to time—usually once per week. They both kept their letters in a special box, that they decorated together one weekend.

It was the first time for the both of them to spend Christmas with two families at once. Seungmin’s and Changbin’s families merged for a day, creating a huge family meeting with a lot of new faces. It may have been one of their best Christmas. Not because the gifts were bigger, pricier, better. But because the atmosphere was warmer, lovelier, nicer. Of course, some family members were less accepting than others, about their relationship, but they had long decided that they needed no one else’s approval than theirs to be happy.

Everyone thought of them as the _perfect couple_ , always happy, always in love as if they had just met, always looking at the other as if they were the only person alive on earth… but they didn’t think they were _that perfect_. They fought sometimes, for pointless reasons most of the time. But they did fight. Seungmin wasn’t the type of person to get angry and yell. He always tried to stay calm, to rationalise whatever was happening and to find a solution. Changbin wasn’t like that. Changbin was short-tempered and went off the rails pretty quickly. But in the end, once Changbin calmed down and realised he had overreacted, he would apologise to Seungmin and they would talk it out. And somehow, they were ok with that. They knew each other and knew where to draw the line.

Changbin went to Seungmin’s graduation. He congratulated him the loudest, Seungmin laughing as he could only hear his boyfriend from the audience. And Seungmin threw a party with all of their friends to congratulate Changbin on acing his first year of university. _They were the perfect couple_.

Changbin was happy, he had great friends, a loving boyfriend, a loving family… Nothing could go wrong. That is what he thought when he started his second year of university. His boyfriend got accepted in the same university, they shared a dorm room together, nothing could go wrong.

That was until the month of January came. January, Changbin enters one of his lectures and immediately meets the eyes of a young boy. He was about to leave, tidying his stuff into his bag. The sound the door had make had startled him and he stopped moving, his eyes meeting Changbin’s. The older boy froze in front of the door, staring at the other one who seemed intimidated. Once he snapped out of his trance, he took his bag and left the room, staring at the floor. And Changbin went on with his day, the thought of this young boy invading his mind.

Changbin tried to forget about it, and got home, cuddled with his boyfriend, and that was it. But the next day, when he entered the same room and didn’t see that boy tidying his stuff, Changbin was disappointed. _Why?_ The rest of the day, he kept on thinking if he will ever see that boy ever again.

He did, the next day. He entered the cafeteria and he saw him. Sitting next to a group of boys he didn’t know, laughing loudly. Changbin stopped abruptly, looking at his tan skin, his puffy cheeks and gummy smiles. _He sure was attractive_. He then shook his head, thinking that he had a boyfriend and shouldn’t be thinking about another boy in that way.

It wasn’t wrong to think that someone was attractive. But it was wrong of Changbin to think of that boy, to think of how pretty he was, to wonder if he will ever see him again, to try to guess what name would fit him the best, what his voice sound like. It was wrong of Changbin to become obsess over that boy the same way he was over Seungmin three years ago.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of their friends, or acquaintances, were always telling them they were “couple goals”, that they were made for each other and no one knew a couple happier than the two of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it took me months to write, i'm sorry it took so long. i still hope you liked it!

It felt like it was the right thing, when he got to know _him_. When he started hanging out with _him_. Changbin had thought that getting to know him would make his obsession go away. So, a few weeks after, Changbin realized that the best way for him to talk to that boy was, firstly, to see him again. However, he didn’t know how, as he had only seen that boy few times; sometimes at the cafeteria, sometimes in that one room where Changbin had his lecture. He couldn’t go talk to that boy in the cafeteria, there was way too many people. He always ate with his friends, and Changbin would feel very self-conscious of his surroundings if he just came to that boy and said something like “ _Hi, can we be friends?_ ”, because Changbin knew the world didn’t really work like that. So, he decided spotting him in that one lecture room would be way better. But when? how? It had been weeks since he last saw him there.

The last time he had spotted him—it actually happened only once—was on a Tuesday. If Changbin recalled correctly, it was right before his first class, at 10am. Tuesday finally arrived, the boy decided to leave way earlier than he used to, just so he could be in front of the door before the previous class ended. He waited, the door opened, and a crowd of students exited the room. Once everyone got out, he peeked his head inside of the room and saw that it was empty. Wasn’t he there? By instinct, he looked over to the crowd, and saw _him_ , with his friends, laughing loudly and brightly. Oh, and did that laugh made Changbin all mushy inside. Since that day, Changbin made it a promise to come earlier every time, and, one day, _that boy_ finally left later than his friends. When Changbin peeked his head inside of the room—as he always did once the students left—he got surprised to see _him_ tidying his books and paper. He had been so used to see no one in the room before, that actually seeing someone scared him. He apparently was unnoticed as the boy had his head hanging low, looking inside his bag with his brows furrowed. Changbin took a few steps inside, clearing his throat which startled the younger boy. “ _Hi… Is everything okay? You look…_ ” Changbin didn’t finish his sentence, the younger boy did by grumbling a “ _annoyed_ ”. He then answered the elder’s question, explaining that he couldn’t find his earphones in his bag. “ _Well, that’s because they’re under your seat._ ” And while saying that, the older boy walked towards the other’s desk and picked his earphones from under his chair, handing it to him with a bright smile. He was trying very hard not to blush, but the younger boy didn’t seem to mind his cheeks going bright red as he stuttered a _thank you_. Changbin smiled even more, offering him his hand. “ _My name’s Changbin. Nice to meet you_.” The younger took his hand in his, making Changbin’s heart jump in his chest, and shook it lightly. “ _I’m Jisung_.”

And that was the beginning of Changbin’s fall. Now that he knew his name, what his voice sounded like, and saw him from such a short distance… his mind couldn’t keep up. For sure, he did love Seungmin from the bottom of his heart and would give him his entire life if he ever asked for it. Of course, he was still as affectionate as he was before; he cuddled his boyfriend, kissed him, told him endless _I love you_ and made him feel loved, he made sure he was happy and not too stressed, made sure Seungmin was living happily… But all of that didn’t stop his mind from, sometimes, going on a small daydreaming session where Changbin would endlessly see _Jisung_ talking, and smiling, and laughing… It didn’t feel right, yet it did feel right at the same time.

A few days after their first encounter, Jisung had talked to Changbin a lot more times. Whenever he spotted him in the cafeteria, Changbin thought it’d be weird to just go to his table and talk to him. Jisung didn’t seem to care as he came all the way to the elder’s table, put his tray on the table and talked to him about his day, asking him a few questions about himself and that was how they got to _really_ know each other. It was more than a friendly conversation and Changbin knew it, saw it. His eyes couldn’t lie to him. He did saw how Jisung was eyeing him, his lips, his hands, his arms… But Changbin was no better. Whenever Jisung smiled he couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering there, whenever the boy moved his hands, his eyes would look at his pretty fingers and his mind would scream at him to just hold his hand.

Nothing came out of those lunch breaks, except the fear inside of Changbin’s heart. He couldn’t understand why he was feeling this way for another boy than his boyfriend. And that scared him. But tempted him at the same time. He didn’t stop talking to Jisung, even if it only made him more and more scared that his mind would take him way too far, too deep. He was scared that he could never escape him, even in his mind.

After two or three more lunches spend together, Jisung could be considered as one of Changbin’s friends. They had exchanged numbers and spent countless of nights talking to each other—the older even forgot to answer his boyfriend sometimes. He learned that Jisung was a year younger than him— _just like Seungmin_ , he thought—and that he was studying musicology— _exactly like Seungmin_ , he thought again. Anything he learned about that boy got compared to his boyfriend. He didn’t know if he should feel relieved or even more scared about that. Was he trying to find his boyfriend in him? But why? He was completely happy with Seungmin. He didn’t need anyone else. Did he?

Saturday morning, Changbin woke up next to his boyfriend—or more like _on_ his boyfriend, as he had his head laying on his chest. The younger boy was already awake, his phone in his hands.

 _“You’re finally awake?”_ Seungmin asked when he felt his boyfriend move.

 _“Mh…_ _I am, I had a really weird dream.”_

_“Oh? Tell me all about it.”_

Seungmin put his phone aside, moving up a bit so that he could sit correctly and let the older boy lay down on his lap as he told him about his dream. “ _We were on a date, together. We were in that one coffee shop we always go to. And, suddenly, I heard a loud noise coming from the streets, so I looked outside the window. And when I looked back at you… You were—_ ” and he stopped. He stopped when he realized what he was about to say. He stopped, when he realized that who he actually saw in his dream was Jisung. He clenched his jaw, biting onto his tongue as he exhaled loudly through his nose. “ _No, nevermind. I don’t recall correctly. But it was weird, people kept on shifting appearance._ ” He laughed it off. Seungmin looked at him with his brows furrowed but ended up laughing with him.

That morning, Seungmin kissed his boyfriend to make him forget about his _weird dream_. That morning, Changbin let himself melt into his boyfriend’s arms and forget about his dream. Seungmin had always been quite good at making him forget about things. A few kisses on the lips, then on his cheeks, going down on his neck and collarbones… Changbin knew where this would lead and, this time, he didn’t object nor move at all while his boyfriend was kissing his skin. He just let himself get drown in pleasure and happiness.

That day, Changbin didn’t think about Jisung again. He spent his day with his boyfriend, a nice and relaxing day he wished he could have all the time.

Seungmin wasn’t blind. He may have been madly in love with his boyfriend, he wasn’t blind.

When he first met Changbin, he thought he was a bit scary. He always had this neutral expression on his face when he arrived in their friend group. Well, it was only Changbin’s friends at the time. Seungmin had just arrived in town and met with his cousin who introduced him to some friends of his, as they were all going to the same high school. He wasn’t a complicated guy, so they became friend quite quickly. On his first day of school, his newly made friend introduced him to their other friends, that’s when he met Changbin for the first time. At first, he took his stern face as a sign that he wasn’t welcomed in his friend circle. A few more days next to him make him understand it was only his resting face, and not a sign of displeasure at all.

Seungmin would have been lying if he said he wasn’t intrigued by this Changbin guy. Was that attraction? Infatuation? He couldn’t tell yet, but he wanted to know. He couldn’t stop himself from looking at him, and he saw that the older boy was also looking at him. That’s what pushed him to ask for that hang out, after Christmas. He’s now glad he did, as that’s what made them grow closer. That day, it changed Seungmin’s life.

Going to a whole new school wasn’t easy, he had to make new friends, to hide his secrets, to maintain good grades. It was stressful, but then finding close friends with whom he could share his concerns and secrets, it just felt nice. He hadn’t forgot about his other friends, from his previous school, of course not. He was just happy he finally found someone who he could trust with his deepest secrets. That person, that was Changbin. The fact that it was mutual—the sharing secret thing—was what made their friendship even more precious.

Seungmin grew really attached to his friendship with Changbin. He was his closest friend, his best friend even. If anyone had asked him if he believed in soulmates, his answer would have always been that it was fate who made him meet Changbin, hence making them both each other’s soulmates. However, he never even once thought about the possibility that Changbin might like him as more than a friend. Love, between them, never popped in his mind even once.

It was a complete surprise when Changbin confessed, but a pleasant one. Loving Changbin wasn’t difficult to picture, neither was dating him. Love came quickly, comfortably. And never once it occurred to Seungmin that one day Changbin might fall in love with someone else.

Nevertheless, Seungmin wasn’t blind. He saw that Changbin was more and more in his thoughts, daydreaming all day long, sometimes even dropping his study session to daydream. When Seungmin would ask him what he was thinking or dreaming about, Changbin would go all defensive mode and say he wasn’t thinking of anything. This is what made it worse for Seungmin. He was ready to hear it all. All he wanted was for his boyfriend to be happy and feel comfortable. To trust him blindly like he trusted him blindly. And this only made it harder for him, because Changbin wasn’t trusting him anymore.

All of their friends, or acquaintances, were always telling them they were “ _couple goals_ ”, that they were made for each other and no one knew a couple happier than the two of them. Right now, with Changbin not trusting him anymore, Seungmin could see how easy it was to stop being _the happiest couple_.

Jisung was that kind of easy-going guy. He wasn’t picky about his friends, as long as they made him feel accepted. He liked talking about himself, praising himself, but he also liked knowing about others. He loved to learn about new things, discover new hobbies. What he loved on top of them all, was music. He had always dreamt about making his own music. So, it came naturally to him to study musicology, befriend artistic persons and be confident enough to talk about his music. He knew he wasn’t _that_ good, but depreciating his works wasn’t going to make people like it. His mindset has always been to praise more than its value. Then, and only then, people will take interest in it and give an honest review. Because he had always thought that saying “ _Hey, listen to that song I made, it’s the best song ever!_ ” would appeal more than saying “ _Hey, listen to that song I made. It’s not very good, lack a lot and you probably won’t like it, but give it a listen please._ ”

It was his first year in university, and it honestly was harder than what he had thought. In order to study correctly, he decided to make less friends than when he was in middle school and high school—less friends meant less procrastination, right? It went well during the first few months. He had gotten around five friends in his major, talked to them a normal amount and wasn’t obsess with pleasing them or hanging out during the weekends. It all went well, until he met _Seo Changbin_.

Jisung was looking for his earphones, getting annoyed and frustrated all by himself as he couldn’t find them. Here arrives Seo Changbin, like Prince Charming, finding his earphones in the blink of an eye, befriending him at the same time. And invading his mind. That day, Jisung wasn’t able to concentrate. He asked everyone if they knew about a “ _Seo Changbin, small but brawny guy, sharp eyes and deep voice, cute cheeks and silky-looking black hair_.” No one knew about him. It drove him mad and screwed up his sleep schedule as he couldn’t sleep all night.

The next day, he was delighted to spot him in that wide cafeteria. Thinking his obsession would go away after talking to him again, he sat next to him. But talking more to him only made him even more obsessed. _Was he even really obsessed?_

Jisung had other friends beside Changbin, but none of them made him feel as much at ease than him. No one made him feel like he could be himself the way Changbin did. He sure hoped it was reciprocated, this warm feeling inside of his chest. Jisung got more and more smiley as he spoke with Changbin more. His friends even asked him if he _had gotten a girlfriend or something_. Was it the moment to tell them he wasn’t straight? Not really thinking of timing, he blurted out he was pansexual. A loud silence invaded this friend circle, until one of them retorted by asking if he _had gotten a girlfriend, boyfriend or lover in any kind of way_. Everyone laughed, Jisung got bright red cheeks as he answered that he _only found a soulmate, but no lover_.

What other word could have qualified Changbin better than the word “ _soulmate_ ”. Whether it was to Seungmin, or to Jisung, Changbin was their soulmate. The one and only that made them feel at home. _Changbin was home, the warmth of a hot cocoa mug with marshmallows on top, the cosy blanket you put yourself under to become a burrito, that one hug you need when you’ve been crying all day._ Changbin could be a lot of things, but _soulmate_ was the one word they chose to describe him.

Changbin was oblivious at first, that his relationship was deteriorating. He kept on living the same way he had always been, not realizing that his boyfriend had noticed his change of heart. Even if he would deny it with his life, his heart did change. Seungmin wasn’t replaced, no, of course not. But his heart got bigger, it grew more space for Jisung to enter it. _Did Changbin not noticed it, or was he just in denial?_

Two months. That’s the longest Seungmin could keep up with this farce. Two months until he had enough and confronted Changbin. He actually was the last person to confront someone and get angry, however this time he didn’t have any other choice but to raise his voice and confront his boyfriend.

 _“What’s wrong with you these days?”_ He suddenly asked, out of the blue.

Changbin choked on the beer he was drinking, looking up from his phone to see that his boyfriend was staring straight into his soul. He felt exposed, but also lost. _What was wrong with him?_

 _“What do you mean?”_ He gullibly asked

 _“Why are you so distracted all the time?_ _What are you always thinking about, daydreaming about, maybe even dreaming about? Just tell me, Bin. Don’t you trust me anymore?”_

Seungmin’s voice suddenly broke as he felt tears piling up in his eyes. His heart clenched, his stomach twisted, _did his boyfriend fell out of love_?

Changbin felt trapped, but also hit by reality at the same time. He suddenly thought back to those past two months, of all the time he had spent with Jisung, both in real life and in his head. It was a lot. It was too much. He had neglected his boyfriend, even though he thought he hadn’t. “ _I’m the worst boyfriend ever_ …” he suddenly muttered instead of answering Seungmin.

It was useless to lie, to hide any longer. So, Changbin told him everything, told him the truth—or was it just another lies? He told him he met this boy, Jisung, and he invaded his mind. Maybe it was the way he had worded it, maybe it was just Seungmin being really ready to give it all to make Changbin happy, but the older boy was more expecting a “ _You don’t love me anymore_ ” from his boyfriend than a “ _Can I meet him?_ ”

Changbin had been taken aback to say the least, but he couldn’t say no to his boyfriend, so he accepted. He had texted Jisung to ask if the boy was free anytime soon, to hang out, and when the younger boy answered—almost immediately—that he indeed was free tonight, Changbin just sighed and organised a _date_ with the three of them—him, his boyfriend, and the boy stuck in his mind.

Sitting face to face, Seungmin and Jisung looked close to rip each other’s throat. Changbin felt ill-at-ease, stuck between those two boys. Being in a relationship may have been a detail Changbin forgot to tell Jisung, which made their first meeting a bit awkward. “ _Hi, I’m Seungmin, Changbin’s boyfriend._ ” “ _Nice to meet you Seungmin, I’m Jis—wait you’re what?_ ” And then cue a very red Changbin trying to escape this heavy atmosphere.

It didn’t start off on the right foot between them, but after getting to know each other—and discovering all of their similarities—they both decided to stop being at each other’s throat. “ _You’re actually a pretty nice guy, Jisung._ ” Changbin choked on his glass of milkshake, not expecting his boyfriend to befriend Jisung.

If it had stopped here, maybe Changbin would have been able to forget about Jisung. If only it had stopped here… But no. Seungmin and Jisung really hit off, exchanged their numbers and decided to spend time together. Changbin wasn’t aware of that, until he got home one day and found Jisung sitting on his couch, Seungmin next to him. Seungmin _forgot_ to tell him he had been texting Jisung a lot since they had met, that they spent time together a lot on campus—“ _we have the same major, you know_ ”. Changbin knew, he knew oh too well both Seungmin and Jisung. He was glad that they were both being friends, but some weird feelings started to invade his stomach when he thought about Seungmin spending more time with Jisung than with him. _Is this what he felt like?_

On the other hand, Jisung felt way more at peace than he had been his entire life. Spending time with Changbin was great, and spending time with Seungmin was also great. Part of him wanted to hang out with the both of them at the same time, but it didn’t happen as frequently as he wanted. It did happen that, while being with one of them, the other would join—by accident most of the time—and Jisung had never been this at peace and happy than whenever he was with the couple. _Am I weird?_

It made him a bit self-conscious at time, he couldn’t help himself but dream about those two boys, think about them when his mind was drifting away from his responsibilities, think of one of them when he was with the other. It bugged him so much he started to ask around, if he was normal, if what he was feeling was normal. Some of his friends looked at him weirdly, thinking he was some kind of pervert, some kind of voyeur. If he was honest, it scared Jisung more than anything, _am I a voyeur? Do I really take pleasure thinking about intruding a couple?_ It’s only when his closest friends reassured him that he stopped overthinking things. But he couldn’t keep things the way they were.

Seungmin and Changbin may have been a perfectly happy couple, Jisung wasn’t blind. He saw how both of the boys looked at him—and he did look at them the same way. He wasn’t denying or hiding all the times one of them took his hand in theirs, intertwining their fingers while watching a movie. He would be lying if he said he didn’t blush when he felt their eyes on his lips. He’d be lying even more if he said he had never thought about kissing them— _not one of them, but both of them_ —was he destroying the couple? He looked for signs of their couple deteriorating, but he actually saw them being closer than before. Every single time he saw the couple together, they were even closer than the previous time. Then, if he wasn’t destroying them, was he… _helping_ them? He felt some kind of warm pride in his stomach at the thought. _I want them to be the happiest they can_.

Seungmin and Changbin had always been very open and honest with each other—and after Changbin hiding his _friendship_ with Jisung they had decided to go back to their old self, meaning stopping to hide stuff to each other. That’s how they ended up sitting opposite each other on their couch, sitting cross-legged with their hands on their knees. They had both come to the other, “ _I need to talk to you_ ” leaving both of their mouths at the same time—it made them laugh, but right now, facing each other, they weren’t laughing anymore. Seriousness was written all over their faces, but still none of them decided to talk first. “ _I wanted to talk about—_ ” they said in unison once again. An awkward laugh. “ _You can go first._ ” “ _No, you._ ” They never stopped talking at the same time as the other.

 _“I think I like Jisung more than a friend_ ,” they confessed both at the same time. “ _Wait, you what_?”

Changbin was the first one to break the silence that had settled in. Even tho his boyfriend had confessed the _same sin_ , he still looked at his hands while shyly explaining what he felt. “ _I still love you, oh god Seungmin I love you so much… But I don’t think I’m satisfied with Jisung only being my friend. I know it’s wrong. So wrong. And part of me knew this since the day I’ve met him but I—I don’t know, Seungmin. I’m sorry._ ” His brain was ready for any answer Seungmin could’ve given him, but definitely not for Seungmin to put both of his hands on his cheeks and to kiss him passionately, making him fall backward on the couch. “ _Thank you, thank you, thank you so much Changbin_ ,” the younger said while kissing him, confusing his lover for good.

A few kisses later, Seungmin sat back on the couch and confessed that he, too, felt like Jisung and him were meant to be more than friends. He got scared, at first, but since Changbin felt the same, it must only mean that Jisung isn’t meant to be _only_ their friends, right? “ _Should we talk to him about… that?_ ” Seungmin shyly asked, later that day. Changbin only hummed, kissing the top of his boyfriend’s head.

“ _Are you free today? Seungmin and I wanted to get coffee with you_.” Here’s the text Jisung received at 10am, making him both excited and scared. What did they _both_ want to talk about? Was it about Jisung’s growing feelings for them, did they saw it? Did they want to stop seeing him? Maybe they thought he was a voyeur too. Maybe they were disgusted by him. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Jisung took a cold shower, trying to ignore his thoughts. He got dressed and then left his small apartment to go to the coffee shop he and the couple were supposed to meet. It wasn’t any coffee shop. It was the one where Changbin and Seungmin got close, the one where Jisung met Seungmin for the first time. It was _their favourite coffee shop_.

When he entered the shop, the couple was already there, sitting at a small table in the far back of the shop, a bit secluded. They were talking, laughing, holding hands. Jisung looked at them from the front door, gulping a bit. It was still time to back away. He didn’t know what they wanted to talk about, but he felt his stomach turn. He felt uneasy when looking at them act like a couple. Jealousy had grown on hi. “ _I want that too_ ” he thought.

Taking his courage with both hands, he walked towards their table, sitting opposite the both of them. Pink dust on his cheeks, he greeted them with a smile. His bottom lip was trembling a bit, which didn’t go unnoticed.

 _“Ji, are you okay?”_ The couple softly asked, putting their hands on Jisung’s

 _“Please don’t ask me to stop talking to you_ ,” Jisung suddenly confessed, tears in his eyes

Surprised by his sudden outburst, they both took Jisung’s hands in theirs, squeezing them lightly. “ _Hey, Ji. What are you saying? That’s not why we asked you to come_ ,” Seungmin said with kindness in his voice.

Jisung finally calming down, they ordered some drinks and talked as if nothing had happened—as if Jisung hadn’t cried a few minutes ago. Halfway through their drinks, Changbin cleared his throat, gaining the two other boys’ attention. “ _Actually, if we asked you to come, it’s because…_ ”

Lying down on his bed, Changbin’s words were echoing in Jisung’s head. “ _It’s because Seungmin and I realised that… How can I say that? We like you. A lot. A ‘more than friends’ like._ ” Jisung’s brain had shut down after that. Everything is just a blur. What happened afterwards? All he can recall is feeling two pair of eyes on him, his heart racing, his stomach twisting, and then everything is just pitch black. Once he regained possession of his own head, he was already lying on his bed.

_Did I tell them I liked them too? Did I pass out? Did I just run away?_ Jisung couldn’t remember what had happened at all. He could’ve simply texted one of them to ask, but would it be considered rude? Will they think he care so little about them he dozed off internally? He sighed loudly, closing his eyes as sat up on his bed. He put his two hands on his face, trying to force himself to remember what happened. He was lost in his thoughts when a voice suddenly spoke, startling him. “ _You’re finally awake!_ ”

Jisung didn’t need to open his eyes to know who this voice belonged to; however, it didn’t make any sense to him why _he_ would be in his apartment. However, what he heard next confirmed to him that it was indeed _him_ who had spoken; “ _Bin! Bin please come; Ji is awake!_ ” Jisung then heard footsteps and a gasp. He finally moved his hands from his face and opened his eyes, finding the couple next to his bed. Seungmin was sitting on the floor and Changbin was standing next to him. _What happened?_

_“How are you feeling, Ji?”_ Seungmin asked, leaving the floor to sit on the bed next to Jisung

_“What happened?”_

The couple exchanged looks, making Jisung feel even more uncomfortable.

 _“You don’t remember?_ ” Seungmin softly questioned

_“I really don’t…”_

_“Well, after Changbin and I confessed, you looked a bit overwhelmed. You said you needed to get some fresh air but when you got up you fainted, so Changbin carried you to your apartment and… Well, we waited until you woke up.”_

_“I—I fainted?”_ Jisung whispered-yelled

He couldn’t believe himself. He really blacked out both mentally and physically.

Seungmin and Changbin ended up staying over at Jisung’s, that night, both too worried as the other boy had fainted. Jisung didn’t complain, at all. They ended up talking about _it_ again while eating dinner, “ _You both like ‘like’ me?_ ” Jisung still couldn’t believe his ears that the two boys stuck in his head liked him. Now that they had confessed, it was just all clearer to him too. He wasn’t some kind of pervert voyeur or whatever, he wasn’t admiring their couple either, he liked them. He _liked_ them. And they _liked_ him.

It somehow felt unreal, saying it out loud. But the smile on their faces, the warm feeling in his chest, he couldn’t be mistaken anymore. _I like them_.

However, liking each other wasn’t going to make it work on its own. If being in love with each other was 99% sufficient to make a regular couple work, when a third person gets added it’s not as simple as that. The first few days were actually great, and everything worked perfectly. They had fell asleep while hugging each other—Seungmin hugging Jisung who was hugging Changbin—and woke up in the exact same position. By habits, Seungmin and Changbin had kissed the person they were hugging or hugging them, ending up kissing both of Jisung’s cheeks who could only giggle and appreciate the kisses. They then had a regular day; eating breakfast, showering, going to uni… The next day happened roughly in the same way, but after three days, it started to go down.

Seungmin and Changbin were already an established couple, they had their little habits, living together, knowing each other from head to toe, and more importantly, everyone on campus and in their family knew they were dating. They could go around, holding hands and kissing, nobody would judge them. Jisung got self-conscious, and jealous. Mostly jealous. Because he knew he couldn’t go around campus holding their hands or kissing them without people thinking one of them were cheating on the other, or that Jisung was trying to break their couple, that he was intruding their relationship… He couldn’t date them openly. No one knew about Jisung dating them. How was he even supposed to tell his family? What about theirs? With all these worries, Jisung closed off.

They had been dating for four days, and Jisung closed off. He ignored their calls, didn’t open his door when they knocked on it, didn’t even open their texts. _They were better when I wasn’t here_. _They don’t need me_.

Three more days passed, and Jisung felt guilty. Another call from Changbin appeared on his phone and this time he answered. Hearing the older boy’s voice made him break down in tears. “ _Ji! You’re finally answering! Seungmin and I were so worried. Is everything o—Ji, are you crying? Hey… I’m coming over!_ ” Jisung didn’t even get the chance to talk that Changbin had already hung up. He knocked on his door twenty minutes later, Jisung opened the door and fell into his arms, hugging him as tightly as he could.

Changbin didn’t say anything, he simply circled his waist to hug him even tighter and caressed his head with his free hand. Still hugging him, he walked towards the boy’s couch and sat on it, Jisung forced to sat on his lap. “ _What’s wrong, Ji? What happened?_ ” His soft voice calmed him. “ _I don’t want people to judge us. I was scared people would think I’m trying to break your relationship. I was… I got scared of people._ ”

Changbin simply hugged him tighter and kissed the top of his head, rocking him a bit. Once Jisung had completely calmed down, he called Seungmin, asking him to come over. And once again, they talked. About their relationship, and how they should trust each other more. It wasn’t easy to get into an already established relationship, and they did understand how Jisung could feel, how hard it may have been for him, but still they believed that they could make it work.

People’s eyes on them, all the time. It wasn’t easy. It made them self-conscious. It made Jisung want to hide forever, almost always hiding behind one of his boyfriends. But then, remembering he can call both of them his _boyfriends_ made it all worth it. It took around a month for Jisung to be confident enough to openly date them. It took two months of openly dating for them to finally tell their families. Their closest friends already knew and were—for the most part—very supportive of it, despite finding it weird or unusual at first. Their families… not all of them accepted it. Seungmin’s family wasn’t that fond of the idea; accepting that their son was dating another man was already a lot to take in, but now he was dating _two_? His mother almost fainted when Seungmin had told them. Unsurprisingly, Changbin’s family had been the most acceptant as they were pretty open-minded. The three of them received their blessings pretty easily. As for Jisung’s family, they thought he was joking, until they realised that he _was not_. They didn’t have any other choice but to accept it, in the end. “ _We’d still rather have you date a girl but, well. You got two boys so, congratulations,_ ” His father had told him.

Even with other people’s blessings and acceptance, it did not change anything. They _loved_ each other, and it was enough for them to make it right, or at least to try to make it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you wanna read more of my works, i write aus on twitter! @/softflowermin

**Author's Note:**

> find more work on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/softflowermin) :]  
> you can also ask question related to my works on my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/softflowermin)!


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